Blown out of Proportion

When he took me to his room, I thought he just liked to play. So when he offered me the end of a bicycle pump and told me to suck on it, I said sure, why not. Only, next thing I knew it was stuck there, and my lips were stuck around it—I couldn’t pull it out. And then he started pumping.

At first I just felt—bloated, like when I ate too much pizza. But then I realized I was starting to expand! The more I expanded, the less I was able to move. I tried to pull away, but I ended up on my back with my legs sticking out the window. Then he pulled me back in, and set me along one wall of the room, lying on my side, and kept pumping. Finally, when I would have been about twenty feet tall if I could stand up straight, he stopped, and pulled the pump out of my mouth. My lips sealed shut like they were glued together.

I wasn’t able to move at all. I could only lie there, as he put the pump away—and then sat down on me like I was an oddly-shaped inflatable sofa, and started to watch TV.

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