Stick a knife in me, it can’t hurt any more than it already does. Stick a knife in me, please. Make sure it’s sharp, long and slides in effortlessly. Stick a knife in me, please.How can it hurt so much? How can I even lose something I never had? How can I lose something I don’t have, something I never will?

All questions, no answers. No, that’s not true. I have the answer, I know the answer, I’ve always known it. Never had the courage to face up to it nor the courage to change things.

Maybe I can’t even change anything, I’m doomed. Doomed to a life stuck between two worlds, belonging to neither. Stifled by one, lonely in another. Can’t let go of one life, can’t embrace the new one. Incapable, some would say, of embracing the new. Doomed to this in-between hell.

Let go, move on, stop chasing illusions. They exist only in my head. Illusions are not real, she is not real.