Pep Squadder's First Date

“You’re a repulsive, irritating, acne-infested snotwipe, Lucius. The parasites that live in the fungus growing on your rash have halitosis, and your armpits don’t smell so good either.”

“You brought me all the way out here just to tell me that?”


“I think I’m going to cry now, Veronica. I seriously think I’m going to cry.”

“Now tears? Go ahead, add another bodily fluid to your list of fashionable secretions, it’s not like you’ve got a reputation to protect.”

“So we’re sitting on a grassy hillside under a vast and glorious starscape, on this most tranquil of nights, having just finished a romantic dinner and shared our first kiss as the sun went down, and you turn and gaze into my eyes with a sigh and tell me how utterly detestable I am.”

“It’s what I do.”

“Oh, well go right ahead then. Sorry to offend.”

“It’s nothing personal.”

“Of course not. You’re just expressing yourself. Additionally, go to hell, you verminous skank.”

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“We can’t all be cheerleaders. Hugs!!

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