We all know the stories about Britney Spears, Barbie, and Paris Hilton.

But what you don’t know is this: the REAL story.

We all know that Britney has lost custody of her baby, but that’s as far as the truth goes.

She thought her baby was horrendous, so she put a brown paper bag over the child’s head one day as she was mowing her grass. She had placed the bag-child in the path of her lawnmower, and when she came to it, she had forgotten what it was. Not caring a bit, she drop-kicked the thing over the fence, into Paris Hilton’s yard.

Paris found the bag later that day and opened it, to take a look.

“Ugh! Your make-up’s not worth one mill yet, and your NOT HOTT !! Loser!” and she too drop-kicked him, into Barbie’s car.

Barbie, who had been over the legal alcohol limit, thought the round headed object was a soccer ball, and to prove she wasn’t drunk, tried to juggle it in front of the police – who later took the baby to an orphanage.

And that, my friends, is the story of Micheal Jackson.