The story is good enough, but I don’t quite understand what lead her to say no. Simply the loss of a charm? All of her doubts? Earlier on the phone she’d seemed happy…So I think you should add more.

Thanks for the critique. I’ll try adding some more.

It’s good, but I agree with Officially. Why did she say no? Maybe its some negative quality of Tom? “Because for once she was in control” makes it seem as though he is very controlling or something like that. Hmm, can’t wait to see what happens next….

I’m learning that writing is never a “done” thing. Thanks for the comments. I hope you like this new (and hopefully) improved ending.