“Do you have a problem?” Alec said, scowling.

Simone laughed. “What happened to you guys? You were feared, ruled a country! You had Hell On Earth in Transylvania! You could’ve taken over the world! But now? You rent outfits from a costume shop and your Prince of Wallachia is in Hell waiting for someone to pull a stick out of his bones.

“How long have you been hiding,” she continued, “occasionally turning prudish virgins into lascivious love-slave vampire-girls? Until they realize you’re a drag and dump your ass.”

“Finished?” Alec replied. “Or do you have more? I so enjoy standing here, listening to a little lost slut-demon prattle. Or are you hungry – I’m sure we can find someone else to shove up your hell-haunted, brimstone-reeking vag.

“Or,” Alec added, looking around, “perhaps we can find your wizard, the one who summoned you.” He snapped his fingers. “I know! I could put up posters! ‘Lost Bitch, answers to Simone.’ He’s probably offering a reward and I could use the five bucks to buy a coffee.”