Around noon, the tsunami roared across the bay, cast off on its mission of destruction by a continental plate in upheaval. First 20, then 50, then 100 feet high, it headed inland and straight towards an unsuspecting West Coast city enjoying a sunny day and a leisurely lunch. The apocalypse had arrived, and it wanted a sandwich.

And as thousands ran in terror from the doom wave and panicked around him, all Chad could think to himself was, “Damn you, old codger.”