I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with school, and therefore a love/hate relationship with writing. Mom would always expect everything I did in school to be perfect, and so I have come to expect the same of myself. But Kerri says, in this notebook, no crossing-off, no erasing. I just have to go with it.

I don’t know if I want to talk about what I do or not. It’s the one thing that was always my secret; the thing I never had to talk about. I don’t know if I’m ready to get help. I was always the one in my family who doesn’t need help. I can get by on my own. That’s what I thought, anyway. So…

This is driving me crazy. I need to start over. But Kerri would probably notice if I started a new page. Dang it! I don’t want to have to write about it. It’s the one thing I have complete control over, and as soon as it gets all the way out, and all the way into the open, it’s not really mine anymore. I’m so, so scared of being totally out of control. But at the same time, it would be nice not to be so alone.