Heehee, I just finished my own entry into this challenge. I like the tone of yours, very abrupt maybe. I don’t know, but it conveys well how the kid is feeling.

It’s based on a true story.

very surreal, like only reality can be. Well-written, reads smoothly. I like the choice of perspective (but I’d be curious how 1st person went too).

The only line I had issue with was the second half of the second paragraph, but no big deal, just didn’t flow with the rest…I think because it added a degree of omniscient to the 3rd-person.

How magical was it as a kid to get a coin or two from a grandparent. Very nice story.

I Change it to 1st person, maybe it works better this way?

Ties in nicely with the challenge.

I like how you captured the awkward alien feel of the place and situation. It brought back definite memories from childhood.

I think they both work really well, you have a good story, and you capture the images nicely. It’s one of the amazing things about writing, like drawing (no can do) or taking photos…where do you stand when you choose what to share?

Which do you like better KG?

this made me feel awkward, good writing!

whoa.
tht was pretty creepy.
after reading this, i found a quarter on my computer desk tht i swear wasn’t there before.
shudder. thts pretty creepy.
~
Mr. Clean’s the mann.
nice job =]

the quarter from great grandma was magical
; )