great beggining…

Other than some minor spelling mistakes, this is pretty good. Though if you can spare the character space, I recommend breaking this up into smaller sections. It will help make your narrative flow more smoothly. Looking forward to the sequel.

agree with ana – u mite wanna break it up
but u def need to sequel! [note me when/if u do]

mom threw away my paper, and I don’t have firefox…. care to tell me the spelling mistakes?

Great job on the re-write. ;)

lol thanks.