I guess that was pretty cool. But, correct me if im wrong (I am only 12), that you shouldn’t really use the words that estimate.
example: (taken from your story)
“The remaining couple hundred kids continued talking” I probably would have wrote, either, the rest of the kids (unproffesional) or, “The other kids.”
Not trying to be mean, just trying to help. and as i said, correct me if im wrong.

but all in all, i liked your story, i could see that as a novel. keep up the good work!

I love this. :)

I just felt like using the phrase “remaining couple hundred”. I’m not sure if it’s approved literary style or not, but it was the phrase I chose for whatever reason.

Not trying to drag you down, buddy. There’s no such thing as Litterally Correct. It’s all how you author chooses it to be.

Awesome writing… (and i wish i could have changed that 3stars to a 4 )1/2

Hey, no worries! I should have added some sort of smiley to let you know I wasn’t upset or anything. =)

Rokkin’.
Might need to sequel it, since nobody else has.