It shows some promise, but the lack of capitalization, and punctuation does detract from the ideas you’re trying to get across.

I’d recommend you go back after you’re done and fancy it up, though, so fixing the formatting doesn’t get in the way of getting those words on the page in the first place.

I agree with Fracture on this one. It’s a nice idea, but fix everything up before you publish it so people can focus on the point you’re trying to get across. But this is a good ficlet, I liked it a lot. Keep up the good work!

I agree with Fracture.

They’ve already said it, so I won’t…

thanks for the tips

I like it and I agree with them…

I like it