The Logic of Being Dumped

“I’m breaking up with you, Robert,â€? she said, thunking a box on his desk. “Here’s all of your crap. I don’t want to see you ever again.â€?

“But that’s preposterous!â€? Robert replied with a chuckle. “You can’t break up with me.â€?

“Oh, I can. And I am,” she told him. “Seeing you makes bile rise in my throat.”

He frowned for a moment, “Let me explain to you why this is not advantageous.â€?

“Oh dear God…â€?

“God has nothing to do with this,â€? he said with a dismissive wave. “However, it has everything to do with Game Theory. For this instance let us assume that you are a rational being wanting to maximize your evolutionary fitness. As a woman this means finding a mate capable of supporting a number of offspring to adulthood. In order to create a balanced societal equilibrium, I, as a virile well-off man have an evolutionary right to a young attractive woman capable of producing said offspring.â€?

“Is that right?â€?

“Yes! Logically, we’re meant to be,â€? he concluded right before her fist connected with his nose.

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