You don’t know me, but my name is Umblefumble Jones. Yes, my parents were evil, thoughtless people, but that’s beside the point. Really, it isn’t. I mean, genetics count for a lot.

See, if you imagine that most people run on AA batteries, I’m hooked up to the freakin’ Hoover Dam. I don’t stop. It scares people, especially the boys. That’s too bad. Some are cute. But I digress, which I often do, like the time I plotted out the history of the Roman Empire on Post-It notes across the gym floor. Basketball team didn’t like that.

It’s not like I can help it, you see. My thoughts, they just get going, like an express train to Loserville or Outcastburg. And I don’t even always think about productive stuff. Once I recited Hamlet in my head. Another time it was just everything I could remember from a Spanish phrase book, which was all of it.

This brings me to my plight now. I’ve created these things, out of glass. They look like porcupines. Things, and this is odd, but, well, I think they’re alive.