I have the knack of falling in love with girls with strange names. My last girlfriend was named Trenchcoat, I had a brief fling with Musketbubble, and, it is true, dear reader, that I had lust in my heart for Ulala.

But now my heart is tugging me on its impatient leash to another angel, one with, yes, yet another bizarre appellation.

Her name is Umblefumble Kleinberg and she sits in front of me in Spanish. I have penned 100 sonnets in her honor, all on pink post-it notes. They are also all in Spanish, which I have written thanks to the help of Señora Vasquez and my trusty Spanish phrase book.

Tomorrow is Umblefumble’s 16th birthday, and I have decided that the time has come for action. I’m giving her a gift: two glass porcupines that light up when you hold them. The only problem is that they need AA batteries to perform their magic, and alas, I have none.

So now I find myself on the express train into the next town, since my local grocer ran out of batteries. Ah, the things we fools do for el amor...