why do we need to know about the heat waves off the tarmac? I didn’t see how that detail is pertinent, it didn’t seem to affect anything (besides setting). How did the staff not notice a gun was fired in the store? Was it a silencer - that piece of info is needed. This story could be better but it wasn’t bad - I’d say it’s a good start and once you edit, if you choose to, it could be great.

Wow, strong words from Tad for ya’, Viceroy. I thought the heat was a nice connection of the real world to hell, but that’s just me. Hope y’all don’t mind if I join the fun.

LoA

good story, but the spacing made it look like one runon sentence. Space between periods makes it easier to read. I liked the story, even though it bounced back and forth past/present tense wise.

Agreed on the space.
I would’ve liked more of what’s going on inside his brain though, personally.