Okay, I’m digging the direct style, like it’s being told by a voice-over in a simplified manner. At about the 3/4 mark, when Aiden is getting back, it got very jumbled and took several reads to follow. Also a little bit of a quick transition from Aiden the angry and devious to Aiden the big cry-baby.

It was somewhat confusing near the end. Not because of the story but the grammar. I reaaly liked it though. :D