She blames the emptiness on many things; absence of love, genetics, location. But she knows its something inside, a war between light and dark that is forever looming in her mind.

She smiles for the camera, and makes everybody laugh. Then she goes home, sits on her bed, and wonders. Wonders why, if everything is so right, does everything feel so wrong.

It doesn’t matter anymore. Its been too long for her to be specific. She will take life one step at a time, and not worry about what will happen, or how it will feel, or if it is the right thing for her.

Smothering the second-guessing and the doubt. Erasing the constant questioning and judgement. Accepting the way life has been presented to her; on the platter of perfection that she was hoping for, but has inexplicably lost her appetite.

“Get over it”, she thinks to herself. “This is what you wanted. Total joy is overated. Happy people are so uninteresting. Besides, things could be a lot worse. You could be alone. Fuck that.”