Comments on Christmastime is Here (Kermitgorf challenge) by Storykeeper of Fae

Fyora Cartagan

Oh dear, yellow snow. XD
I’m so glad I don’t ever have to deal with that here.
I loved it.
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
Insert Pen Name Here

heehee….glad its not BROWN !!!!
hahahahahahahahah!
sorry that was immature….

BROWN !!!!
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
Mistress Elsha Hawk

way to use yellow snow!
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
THX 0477

Cute little story. I think I would have liked another hint at what Sarah’s relationship to John was though, but I’m being picky again.

LoA
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
Kermitgorf

Very funny..surly teen, kid brother and yellow snow, classic holiday story, well done.
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
One Time, One Chance

ahaha yellow snow=]
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
someday_93

Love the last line.
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
SupRspi

Pretty good. I’d nit pick along the same lines THX did, in that the characters seem to exist in a vacuum, with no obvious ties to each other. Perhaps it’s that they seem familiar with each other but the girl doesn’t recognize the boy’s brother….if that makes sense.

Otherwise, a clever story, clearly presented with an amusing punchline. I especially liked the frostbite/freezerburn joke.
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
Storykeeper of Fae

Ok, guys…I revised it to hint at the John/Sarah relationship. SupRspi, Sarah DID recognize Daniel. She was being philosophical in saying that he looks like John. THX , it’s one of those cheesy, cliche relationships where the girl and guy have been friends forever, but the girl really likes the guy and the guy is cluless. Make sense?
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
Mizz Pie

Kool story, i think it’s really good =) Thanx for the good criticism on mine!
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.
flute faerie

yellow snow, what a classic. Gets me every time lol
- Posted 2009-01-12 02:59:32.