Vivid description, but disjointed; I don’t know where they are or how the equipment works or why they’re fighting or what time it is or who they are or why I should care about them. It’s a great idea, but I want to feel like I am in this place with its deadly silence, not like I am being told about it.
This is brilliant. Rose makes some good points – she doesn’t know know “where they are or how the equipment works or why they’re fighting or what time it is or who they are” etc. Hey Rose – would you like to know more? Write a Sequel!!!
I was wondering, have you (the author) ever read the short story titled “How Lonesome a Life Without Nerve Gas”? It was on Escape Pod a while ago and the weapons in your ficlet reminds me of the weapons in the story. This is not a bad thing, but an interesting twist to the technology.
Annalise17
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A grove of pines.
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