I take long showers. It just dawned on me why I do that. When im in the shower I do most of my thinking. I have a lot to think about I guess. When I was in the shower this time I was thinking back to about four months ago when someone asked me what I was afraid of. I never answered them. So it got me thinking. What am I afraid of? And I realized , im afraid of alot of things. Im afraid of closing my eyes in the shower, of being ugly, of loosing my friends, of sounding like an idiot, of what people think of me. I realized that with all of these things that im afraid of…im a really insecure person…and im afraid to admit that, and sometimes im afraid to tell the truth. Thinking about all of this makes me feel like a really bad person, because being so caught up in it all has made me exactly what im afraid of most. I have become an ugly person who pushed all her friends away. Metaphorically speaking, I take showers to wash away all of the bad things i have done. And that takes a long time.