“I know what you want to make,” he said once into the camera that caught his face and beamed it to millions. “I know your desire for glazed hams and beautiful cakes. The meals that would impress your boss or your husband or the person you wish to woo with your pretend expertise of the culinary arts. I know what you desire and how you want to apply it.

“I also know how you’re going to die.

“Each and every one of you.

“I also know that today’s specialty will be fish sticks.”