The first time I applied, they said I was too young. So I grew up.

The second time I applied, they said I was under-qualified. So I went to college and got a Bachelor’s Degree in Business.

The third time I applied, they said I needed relevant work experience. So I spent the next three years working as a mime.

The fourth time I applied, they said they had no openings. So I got a job bringing Peterson, Mills, and Rose coffee and case files.

The fifth time I applied, they said I was over-qualified. So I faked letters to my college saying that I had cheated in my classes so they would revoke my degree.

The sixth time I applied, they said I needed proof of honest work ethic. So I joined the army.

The seventh time I applied, they said I wasn’t personable enough. So I got some therapy. If they’d just hired me the first time, I wouldn’t have needed it.

The eighth time I applied, I was finally old, qualified, relevant, lucky, unqualified, honest, and friendly enough. Here I was: Jimmy Gordon, Wal-Mart Greeter.