Yeah, so… the elves aren’t happy little blighters in my world, okay?

Uh. Seems like ficlets has problems with all caps followed by anything immediately, as the system added spaces after them in my little tale. Please ignore the strange spacing… not my fault, can’t do anything about it.

That was a completely shocking ending, but honestly, the worst part for me is the thought that liposuction machines could have a “reverse” button. Shudders.

But if he cuts out his tongue, he can’t say “Merry Christmas to all and to all agood night!” Although… he would be very quiet filling those stockings….

Thank you, Alexa ♥ — and, of course, nice to see you back in FicletLand. And I can’t believe you didn’t know about the well-documented “reverse” switch on Liposuction machines. :)

And you make a fair point, Mistress Elsha Hawk. But a silent Santa is better than a swearing Santa — at least from the elven perspective, I guess.

Absolutely, “reverse” is necessary: what would they do if they removed too much? On the top-end machines, it’s not so much a reverse “switch” as it is a “pulse” function similar to what you see on a blender or food processor. “Op-oh, too much that time, back it… okay, take a little out… no, too much, back… GOT IT ! Send her a bill! Next!”

Wow, that’s fantastically twisted. I like it.

Ah, Howie, your fascination with Nip/Tuck finally pays off… then again, that show is the reason I know of the trade secret designated “the reverse switch.”

Glad we could place, Batak Beatrix. It’s what we’re here to do, afterall.

Strangely, I actually think I knew that was coming?
It’s still twisted though, and I like it.

I absolutely loved this one. In all honesty, I found the strong language very off-putting and didn’t want to read the whole thing—but I’m glad I did. The twist was perfect and totally unexpected! I literally laughed out loud, not just when I read it but also later on when I thought about it again (I couldn’t stop thinking about it, you see… what an image!) Also worth mentioning is the elf’s accent, which only adds to the humor. I was torn, but ultimately this is a strong 2nd place. Thanks for entering!

Thanks, uselessness. I’m sorry the strong language was off-putting, but — well, let’s face it — it wouldn’t be convincing if the “torture victim” wasn’t screaming and swearing.

And thanks for noting the elf’s accent. It took me a while to come up with something strange yet “elven.”