Penelope snorted bitterly, and thought of her last boyfriend-if indeed she could call him such-and his final drunken appearance in her apartment. She’d never wanted to know exactly what Tom had been doing before he, sweaty and shirtless and barefoot, smashed down her door early that morning, but now she wondered if the skintight red leather pants he’d been wearing had since walked out on him in disgust. She hoped that they would find a new wearer, hopefully one without quite such a hairy potbelly.

She shuddered briefly, and read the next ad to push his image from her mind.

“Oversized cozy sweater, in a cheery shade of emerald green, seeks single female to snuggle on those chilly evenings at home. Promises much comfort and possible life-changes. One size fits all Call 375-9672.”

Upon first reading the ad, Penelope wondered at the honor of the sweater’s intentions. But as she thought about it, she became more and more intrigued.