Dude…
That’s really great. I wish there was more leading up to it though.
(This kind of thing happened to my boyfriend, his first girlfriend died…)

Definitely a good twist, though I agree with Fyora that it could have used more set up, maybe another detail or two about their relationship.

LoA

Fyora, I’m sry about your boyfriend’s first girlfriend. I tried to add in more details, b/c reading over it I saw u guys were right. hope it helps!

thats so sad!! but its great i luv it =]

This is so dramatic. And very sad. You took a powerful twist and did a great job making it real. My only suggestions would be to clean up the grammar and punctuation a bit, and add even more detail. Ficlets doesn’t give you a lot of room to work with, but you should take the space allotted and milk it for all it’s worth! This story could be legendary with some added descriptions, tension, and good old-fashioned tugging at the heartstrings. A little melodrama never hurt. ;-) Thanks for entering my challenge!

This has great potential, but the dialogue moves just a little awkwardly, you know?

I enjoyed it anyway. Good job!