Zooey had always been warned of the Day After Thanksgiving as if it were a plague or a tidal wave destined to kill tiny villages in small, third-world countries.

She decided it was high time to find out just what all the fuss was about. She ventured to Union Square, a highly corruptive and dangerous place this time of year, where thousands of deranged lunatics were bludgeoning each other with toasters and biting and snarling over trivial things like mittens and lemon zesters at Macy’s.

She then realized, this was the perfect time to fulfill her lifelong dream of owning a department store mannequin. With all the epic battles and discounts, it would be the perfect distraction to making her dream come true.

She found her mannequin on the first floor in the women’s department dressed in a red trenchcoat. The feet were attached to a little platform with wheels, so Zooey inconspicouously put sunglasses over the mannequin’s eyes and wheeled her casually through the battle, and out the door.