Comments on Brick Wall's Sad Attempt at the Shocking Dialogue Challenge by FlirtingWithaBrickWall

FlirtingWithaBrickWall

hm… i think Pizza Hut has officially sucked all the creativity out of me…
- Posted 2009-01-12 03:03:14.
White Hat

Hey, good try, though.

And you format, punctuate, and capitalize readably! Huzzah!
- Posted 2009-01-12 03:03:14.
THX 0477

I think you wound up with ‘random’ more than ‘shocking’, though it does seem like one of those odd conversations we old people overhear in a mall and think, “Oh no, this is the future of our country.” Cute and funny.

LoA
- Posted 2009-01-12 03:03:14.
emma jo_234

agree with THX 0477 about the “future of our country” bit, lol. Nice try.
- Posted 2009-01-12 03:03:14.
someday_93

I actually think it’s pretty good! I agree with THX , though.
LoA
- Posted 2009-01-12 03:03:14.
uselessness

LOL @ THX 0477 ! True statement. I like the story despite its randomness. Am I right that the surprise twist is that she is an anti-Semite? Or is it that she is gay? The former seems real, and is certainly shocking, but the latter feels more like careless joke. She’s not really gay, she’s just trying to be funny. I think with a little more emphasis on the first one (what I think is the “real” twist) this story could be quite powerful. Thanks for entering my challenge!
- Posted 2009-01-12 03:03:14.
scooby246282

That is hilarious. I love how many of these lines are based on someone we know.
- Posted 2009-01-12 03:03:14.