i really love this piece. their are some flaws with continuity but honestly this is really great. four point five stars, ie. five.

Good: Vivid. Poetic.

Bad: Ampersands. No line breaks.

Thanks for the feedback, and I agree with you – my ficlet had too many characters, hence the ampersands and line breaks!
I was a bit dissapointed I had to cut some of it out so that it would fit.