Hmm…What are the words, I wonder?
I think it needs a bit more poetry in it to be organized that way, but I’m not sure how to help you with that.

thanks for the advice.. it is my first ficlet so i am still getting a hang of it! :)

pretty good

soccer…it’s me! remember NOR ! RON! ARON !!

i like that you’re trying to send across a very specific, heart-wrenching idea here (or that’s what it seems like. i try some of that myself.) it’s a great attempt for your first ficlets.

ps. when i say “trying” and “attempt”, don’t misunderstand me, this is a good ficlet. it could just used a bit of work, thats all. :]

thanks that is good advice.. i think that i needed it too!

this is good especially for a first, it was fun to read, it made me sad though, poor girl, her world is tumbling down!! lol, okay, great job.
-nran

nran-
lol thanks for ur comment
u have a way with words!