If the inverted essence of pine needles couldn’t do it, well, then it couldn’t be done.

At least that’s what the Intergalatic Guide:Species Pacifier, Primer was telling me. Not that I really listened to it any more. Not since those packs of rabid wantabes on Ficland chewed my boots to peices. Nearly had my feet too if Jeff hadn’t airlifted me out of there in, like, three seconds flat.

And I mean, what stupid instructions are they anyway? How can you get the inverted essence of anything? Like, do I just hold the bottle upside down or something.

Nope, not taking the chance.

This time I’m going with the lot, full military grade protective armor, fifty gigawatt blaster, and a sack of hazlenuts.

Well, squirrels like hazelnuts, don’t they?

Why are they sending me down here anyway? Ain’t no way I can get back what the kid lost. But then it’s captain’s kid, gotta do what the captain says.

So, back to the Primer.

Wonder what a virginity looks like…