That’s not bad, but separating it into individual paragraphs would help immensely. Giving her a name would help with humanization too, and it’s always nice when your human (and sometimes your non-human) characters seem human.

Thanks for the input! I never was good at writing anything that could be considered recent history, and historical fiction (I suppose this counts as that, I don’t know) isn’t one of my strong suits. I actually wrote this hoping to get more practice and critique on it.

omg i love that, i think it should have a sequel… cuz you’re cool like that :p