Crazy. I would have liked a little more of the story than repetitious thoughts. You expressed a mind in panick in a very real way though. Intense and on the edge, but I don’t know why and that’s what bothers me. Perhaps it’s a victim of the short ficlet format and the challenge restrictions, and not your fault.

yea, i wanted more story too but since i had to keep it to the person’s thoughts it was tricky. because when you’re panicking you are never like telling yoruself the story of what’s happening in your head. if i write a sequel it will definitely have more info

I kinda like it, but I agree with Tad that it coulda used a bit more story.
LoA