The porcelain calls to me. It taunts me and pulls on my chains. I’m chained to the bowl forever. I captured me and crushes anyone trying to rescue me from this prison. You always need a toilet, right it’s there where ever you are.

Tonight I lay my cheek again the tile floor. The deed is done. I can feel my throat burning. I see the blood turning black in the bowl. I pull the sleeves of my hooded sweatshirt tighter around me. I just want to curl up tighter and tighter until I disappear.

I just want to lay here forever. Because if I lay motionless I can get up to heave, to empty myself, to cleanse. As if it’s really cleansing me. Making me dirty is more like it. But also if I lay here I can face the world. I’m not in any danger. And if I stay here someone is bound to find me. Someone will have to come in eventually and see me. Someone will help me. It is a school bathroom after all.

I can feel the familiar tug rising up like the bile that wants to come up. I want so much to fight but I can’t do it alone Help