“Dad, why do we celebrate Scientology Day of Happiness? It’s really stupid..I mean an alligator brings our presents..c’mon!”

“Now, Suri you know daddy is trying to promote his new original religion. Don’t you like being different?”

“I think I’m different enough.. Think about it I’ve been in more tabloids then any of my rich toddler friends”

“Think about it, because of scientology you can speak like an adult”

“Does anybody even know what the hell scientology is!?!”