Truthfully the blame lies squarely at my feet.

I’d sidestepped the glowing blue portal in my front garden, carefully chosen a different street to the one with the black and green vortex. I even avoided the sparkling crystal cube and the taxi cab that didn’t look quite right.

So why is it I let my guard slip for one moment. One fatal step…into that doggie doo?

Out of the thousand and one steaming doggie doo’s which hit the sidewalk every day, I had to step into that one. The cleverly disguised single pile of transgalactic interstellar goo.

Well, you know the score. Bright lights, dizziness, sensation of falling from a very great height and the inky blackness of the void, cosmos and such.

I had them all, including one embarrassing moment where my breakfast took a right turn at Sirius. I suppose you could say I was sick as a dog.

A weird landing on a zero-g planet surrounded by a bunch of pygmy gummies didn’t make me feel any better. Especially since I felt tempted to eat my jellied hosts.