It struck him right in the middle of the jump. It must have been when he looked down and saw all the redneck men, the toothless women, and their mouth-breather kids. What was he doing with his life? The County Fair Stunt Spectacular was barely bringing in enough money for him to scrape by.

At that moment he decided that he was going to change. He would stop cheating on poor Darla. No more slapping around poor little Dale Jr. (no relation). He was going to make things right with their in-laws by fixing the porch that he had set on fire in a drunken rage.

He thought about Darla’s fringed T-Shirt business, and how he should be more supportive of that by helping her at the flea market every Sunday. He would quit smoking crack, shooting heroin, dropping acid, and smoking non-filtered cigarettes. He would start putting down the toilet seat when he was done peeing. He was going to be a new man. He might even devote himself to God.

Then he landed head-first on the pavement and died instantly…