Whomever she is, I certainly feel for her, pregnant with “loser junior.” A lot of interesting imagery in this piece.

Constructive comments: What about the Chinese take-away is scary? (Dim lights, greasy windows, image of dragon in flickering neon?) If people are delaying hibernation for another night, should the time of the story be later than 9:12? I like the second sentence with “and” instead of “but” which makes more sense in the context of the weather.

I like this! Keep going!

Can’t top a comment that constructive.