While there are some really interesting turns of phrase here, the awkward use of grammar in parts and the overall ambigious nature of the piece seem to detract from the whole. Keep working at it though, there’s a lot of potentional here.

i agree—its crap. thanks for the leniency.

This isn’t crap (your word, not mine)! This is good , I like it. Nick wasn’t saying it’s crap(i dont think) i think that he was saying that it could be better. It’s good. I Like it. =)

I didn’t think it blew but it does need work.