I keep forgetting the truth about life. I keep forgetting that I am on the other side. I keep forgetting that, no matter what I do, how I dress, how I talk, I am always going to have to start from behind. I have to deal with the images of what I’m supposed to be, as opposed to what I want to be and what I should be.

I go to the shower to prepare for the day. As I shower, I clean away the mud, the scars, the spit, everything. I wash away the claw marks from the crabs, I wash away the dirt, wash away all the impurities of life. “How long are you going to take in the shower?” I get out after my father’s complaints begin to disturb the flow of my thoughts. If you only knew what I deal with, I thought, anger rising. If you only knew what I deal with on a regular basis. But you will never understand it. You can’t understand it because you settled and accepted it while I deny and reject it. But oh well, at least we can eat at the counters now-a-days.