“Wow this is great!” I thought to myself.

“Now i can spend those thousands for a tummy tuck on that plasma screen I’ve been looking at.”

I stretch my arms, feeling a bit queezy as i pick my 50 pound lighter body up off of the kitchen floor.
“Damn i feel so much lighter now.” I thought as i regained my sea legs.

But to my dismay i realized i had a new dilemma on my hands…my wife would be home from the mall soon and this kitchen is a wreck!
I frantically began mopping chunks of fat and blood off of the floor when i heard the garage door opening.
“I’ll never finish this in time” I thought.
So despite the fact that the kitchen was littered with blood, feces and toaster parts, i just sat at the kitchen table and began sipping on my coffee as if nothing was wrong at all. When my wife came through the door and started cursing i ignored her and stood up on the chair i was sitting in. Shes stopped yelling and asked,
“Sean have you lost weight?”
I quickly grabbed the spider and tossed it at her face…