Ilene came in carrying three grocery bags on each arm, her purse strap in one hand, keys and mail in the other. She kicked the door shut.

Screams of, “Mom!” met her ears seconds later, drowning out the canned laughter on TV. “Bob!” she hollered.

“What?” Bob impatiently called back.

“Did you take out the garbage?” she yelled over the noisy kids and the TV. She lumbered into the kitchen.

“Not yet!” answered Bob distractedly.

“Mom! Guess what?!”

“What?” Ilene heaved the groceries onto the counter.

“Surprise! Look!” They held Strider the family beagle up for inspection, grinning widely. “Oh my lord! What have you children done!?” Ilene shrieked as she looked at the poor dog covered in bandages and smiley stickers, with a condom stuck on his left foot.

“We played vet!”

“You take that off at once!”

“Bob! Do you even know what goes on around here? You couch-potato! Why do I have to do EVERYTHING ?! I’ve got a fake leg for heaven’s sake!”

“I said I’d take out the trash!” Bob defended.

Ilene stormed off.