Bizarre and wonderful and nearly alogorical, which I have likely misspelled. Love the outrageous premise hinted at in the midst of a serious conversation. Great little ficlet, entertaining and even thought provoking.
LoA

Spy satellites with laser microphones?
Trippy.

Awesome. Makes me sympathetic to the plight of the bird-like thingies.

Your opening line promises an awesome ride, and the rest of the story delivered. Anything with purple guts and gristle instantly wins.