Dear Melissa,

Thank you so much for coming in at 3:00 last night with your Kappa friends when I was trying to sleep. It’s not like I had a final at 8:00 this morning or anything. I’m so glad you have good friends that tell jokes loud enough for the WHOLE BUILDING to hear in the middle of the night on a Tuesday.

And thanks too for leaving your half-eaten take-out boxes all over the kitchen that WE SHARE so I could be greeted by a million ants when I woke up. I’m not your mother but it was very thoughtful of you to let me do her job in teaching you some basic manners and decency. Are we pigs? Clean up after yourself! It’s NOT THAT HARD !!!!!!!

Speaking of food, I am on a very tight budget and I can only buy enough to eat for one week at a time. We’ve been through this before: STOP EATING MY HOT POCKETS !! I don’t know if it was you or your hairy boyfriend but I’m going to go hungry today and I expect you to replace them (with interest).

Love,
♥ Kim ♥

P.S. Please remind your boyfriend to FLUSH THE TOILET !!!