Aww, that was bittersweet. Makes you wonder – why is she leaving? Where is she going?

I like all the details! Not too overpowering, just enough little tidbits to give you something easily imaginable.

This is really good.
In the section where you write:
Mary Jane wanted that nothing. And nothing was going to stop Mary Jane from getting it.
The repetition of the word “nothing” sounds a little awkward. Why not change the second “nothing” to “nobody” or something along those lines.

I really like this…I can sort of connect with her. Uh…yeah, I think that one line is a bit awkward. But whatever.