“Fire them! Fire them all!”

The General, who’d merely called the Secretary of Defense to report that the annual maintenance of the nation’s nuclear arsenal was complete, and for further instructions, was taken aback by this command. He’d known, of course, the tensions in the Middle East had put them somewhat out of sorts with the Russians, but hadn’t realized, until now, just how badly.

So with some regrets, and an escape plan to get his family to the nearest bomb shelter as fast as he could, he hit that button on his desk and set the Doomsday mechanics into motion.

Of course, the Secretary of Defense had merely responded to his Undersecretary, having just been informed that Security were too busy dealing with an unruly protest at the gate to come and switch off the local fire detector/alarm.

He was, therefore, rather surprised to find himself holding a silent telephone receiver, which he dutifully hung up.

And even more alarmed to see on Fox News, five minutes later, the first nuke launched.