“In the beginning, God made the Heaven and the Earth.”

“How do you know?”

“Sorry?”

“How do you know God made the Heaven and the Earth?”

“Well, it’s here. It’s in the Bible.”

“Well yeah, but anyone could’ve written that. I could’ve written that. What I’m asking is, is there anything conclusive that says God, in all His splendor, created the Heaven, the Earth, and all the little fiddly bits in between?”

“I’m not sure I—“

“I mean, did he leave a signature? A trademark, or something? If you look on the underside of Europe will you find the words ‘God woz ere’ scribbled in black marker pen?”

“Well, no.”

“So how do you know?”

“Because it’s in the Bible. At the front. At the beginning.”

“So who wrote that, then? Was it God?”

“Not directly, no.”

“Oh, so God was dictating to someone else, was He? ‘Sharon, take this down, will you?’”

“If you want to be oblique about it, yes.”

“So the Bible was written by God’s secretary.”

“Yes. No. Hang on, now I’m just confused.”

“Yes, I expect you are.”