I was walking along minding my own, when a squad car pulled up behind me. Great. Just what I need. I thought. The lights flashed. Oh even better.

I stopped and turned around. The officer was getting out, shining the way too bright flashlight into my eyes. No gasmask. One of them. Wonderful. I held my hands out away from my sides. The officer called out, “What are you doing out so late, Sir?” It was female. Female?

That’s unusual. One thing I can tell you about aliens. They are not PC. Maybe the fact that new broadcasts haven’t reached the outerlimits of space yet, but they have not made that transition.

“Um,” I stammered. Yeah, real cool, I know. Pressure. She reached me and started to pat me down. But she leaned a little closer in than she really should have and I could hear her sniff. Sniffing me!! The nerve!

“Did you just sniff me?” I snapped. I could smell the camphor. So I wasn’t the only one who knew the trick. She leaned back, “No!” Then resigned, “Okay yeah. Get in.”