I swear Feb 14th is the worst day of the year. It used to be easy, shoot a few spring chickens in the bum and they’re snogging on the park benches all day, reflecting the disaprooving stairs of old ladies walking past. Now, the minute they feel the redish wood pierce their pink bums, they’re ready to sue!!

This year, my friends, it will be different. Good old Santa gave me a pretty good present this year…haha.

Draws heart-covered gun sinisterly from nappy

You wait little people…I’ll get you this year, oh yes i will.