“There. It’s taken four hours, but your computer is up and running again like new.”

“Thank you, Karen.”

“Oh, and don’t install that Lemonware file-sharing program again. That’s what killed the computer in the first place.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do with my computer.”

“Joe, Lemonware wrecked your computer.”

“But… free software, and music, and videos!”

“Let me try and explain. Say you want chocolate milk. You could go to the store and buy some, but let’s say some man is offering to give you some chocolate milk for free.”

“That sounds good to me.”

“Right. Now let’s say this man is going to cut off the top of your head, carve a sort-of funnel out of your skull, and poor the chocolate milk into your body that way. Yes, you’re getting delicious chocolate milk, but you’re also lobotomised and bleeding to death.”

“That sounds unpleasant.”

“Yes. It does. Now do you know who the man is, Joe?”

“No.”

“He’s Lemonware. So don’t install it again. Alright?”

‘But—!”

“Just don’t.“

”...Fine.”